"I want to be your teddybear. your hugbunny. your honeylips.
i want to be your one and only. i want to cook you dinner. i want to give you a kiss and go to sleep next to you and wake up in the middle of the night and squeeze you tight.”
-the boy I will never truly have.

I’m reading through your old love notes and you will never know how much I regret not saying I loved you when I had the chance.

 225
15 Oct 14 at 12 pm

m.t., my silent battle against depression. (via llionhearts)

(via and-your-worries-make-you-ugly)

"

You told me to write about depression and here’s what I came up with:

I have spent more days in my bed than I can count,
worrying my mother more times than I would like
and trying to ignore the way my sister and her
argued over me.

I have spent more days in bed than I can count
and realized far too late that this isn’t beautiful.

You told me to write about depression and here’s what I came up with:

My bones feel heavy, my mind is numb
and even completing simple tasks
exhaust me.

I don’t know what happiness feels like.
Maybe because I have closed myself off from it,
or maybe because there’s an emptiness inside me
which I can’t stomach.

It feels better staying inside all day,
getting up at night when the world sleeps
and the bright numbers from the television
burn themselves in my mind.

You told me to write about depression and here’s what I came up with:

Depression is not beautiful.

It sneaks up on you, takes control of your mind and feelings,
doesn’t leave you a choice,
makes the world look smaller, greyer.

It has twisted my brain,
messed with it,
and I need to obey it, or else.

Or else. The “or else” means this-
grades lowering, letters from school,
smoking cigarettes at dawn when the world wakes up,
with shaking hands and ash-stained fingers.

The “or else” means sleepless nights,
my demons taking over my mind,
their nails silently scratching along the walls,
scars on their arms, legs.

Scars
which scarily resemble mine.

You told me to write about depression and here’s what I came up with:

There’s this ache inside me which holds me down
like an anchor, leaving me no choice but to go under.

It feels like I am walking against the current,
no rocks to lean on, to support my weight
and the idea of letting go,
floating down, calm and peaceful,
sounds more and more appealing to me.

It’s hard to fight a war
which takes place inside your mind.

You told me to write about depression and here’s the truth:

I have learned that I had to get up,
fight against the current, open my eyes
and I realized that after all that happened,
people were still willing to be my rocks in the stream,
supporting my weight.

I have learned that I can’t undo the tears
my mother cried over me
but I can be there for her and wipe them away.

I have learned that depression is not beautiful, nor romantic
and all these stories about some boy saving you from your heartache
are bullshit.

Don’t sit there in your loneliness,
don’t wait for a beautiful boy to kiss your scars,
don’t think not going outside for a month
has some deep significant meaning
other than it being self-destructive behaviour.

I have learned that you have to get up
and fight the battle
you were destined to win.

"

 389833
14 Oct 14 at 10 pm

foreheadxkisses:

Body comparisons. 

(via ifthemusicisgood)

The mistakes I have made this year are astronomical. 

"I used to walk into a room full of people and wonder if they liked me… now I look around and wonder if I like them."

 49613
07 Oct 14 at 1 am

Rudy Francisco

(Source: fuckyeahrudyfrancisco, via ifthemusicisgood)

"I’m still learning to love the parts of me that no one claps for."

 24382
07 Oct 14 at 1 am

David Foster Wallace, The Pale King 

(Source: wordsnquotes, via and-your-worries-make-you-ugly)

"How odd, I can have all this inside me and to you it’s just words."

 1330
07 Oct 14 at 1 am

Glennon Doyle Melton

(Source: momastery.com, via and-your-worries-make-you-ugly)

"If you can’t beat fear, just do it scared."

"A woman is not written in braille, you don’t have to touch her to know her."

 3311
05 Oct 14 at 11 pm

Caitlyn Siehl, A Love Poem About Myself (via alonesomes)

(via ifthemusicisgood)

"

I appreciate my thighs.
Hell, 18 out of the 24 hours of the
day, I love them.
They are soft and they get agitated
when I wear dresses, but they
deal with it. They move with me
and I am grateful for that.

My face is peaceful. Is that weird to
say? On a good day, it’s a river
before the wind touches it.

See, I’m trying to be positive.
I’m taking myself apart,
piece by piece,
and enjoying the miracle of how I
came together.

My lips. My uneven lips.
I love them crooked.
My lopsided little mouth that
is always pouting.

How about it?
A love poem about myself.
A love poem about my own
body parts.

I think I’m in love with how
unattractive I can be. I think
I’m dizzy with how much of me
there is.
I mean, I’m like a house I never
get tired of exploring. I’m like a
maze that has fireworks in the center
of it.

I’m mad at myself for all the years
I wasted thinking my body
was a bad thing.
I wish I’d written this sooner.

Tomorrow, I’m gonna wear shorts and go somewhere crowded.
I’m gonna be the person with all
the sun in her.
I’m not gonna cover my eyes when
it gets too bright.

"

 35235
05 Oct 14 at 11 pm

miguelmarquezoutside:

Park sign installed today.

(via wilwheaton)

"1. push yourself to get up before the rest of the world - start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise.

2. push yourself to fall asleep earlier - start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable.

3. erase processed food from your diet. start with no lollies, chips, biscuits, then erase pasta, rice, cereal, then bread. use the rule that if a child couldn’t identify what was in it, you don’t eat it.

4. get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. sit and eat it and do nothing else.

5. stretch. start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. stretch your fingers. stretch everything.

6. buy a 1L water bottle. start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice.

7. buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. no detail is too small.

8. strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. put a massive scoop of scented fabric softener in there and wash. make your bed in full.

9. organise your room. fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, vacuum the floor. light a beautiful candle.

10. have a luxurious shower with your favourite music playing. wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck.

11. push yourself to go for a walk. take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. bring your dog and observe the dog’s behaviour. realise you can learn from your dog.

12. message old friends with personal jokes. reminisce. suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. push yourself to follow through.

14. think long and hard about what interests you. crime? sex? boarding school? long-forgotten romance etiquette? find a book about it and read it. there is a book about literally everything.

15. become the person you would ideally fall in love with. let cars merge into your lane when driving. pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine. stick your tongue out at babies. compliment people on their cute clothes. challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. then two. then a week. walk with a straight posture. look people in the eye. ask people about their story. talk to acquaintances so they become friends.

16. lie in the sunshine. daydream about the life you would lead if failure wasn’t a thing. open your eyes. take small steps to make it happen for you."